


J'irai jusqu'où tu m'aimes

by DelicatPapillon



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrinette, Akumatized Ladybug, Angst, Character Death, Developing Relationship, Explicit Language, F/M, Friendship, Identity Reveal, LadyNoir - Freeform, Major Character Injury, Romance, Sadness, Serious Injuries, Soulmates, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-06-29 09:33:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15726714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DelicatPapillon/pseuds/DelicatPapillon
Summary: "I'll go as far as you love me" is an AU story where Ladybug is being akumatized after dicovering the real identity of Chat Noir. WARNING: Tragic Ending. ANGST





	1. The beginning of our end

**Author's Note:**

> Hello !  
> Thank you for selecting my fanfiction !  
> Before everything, I wanna say that I'm French so my English isn't perfect.  
> I'm sorry about the mistakes this may cause.  
> Please enjoy the story.

"I'll go as far as you love me _._ "  
**CHAPITRE I**  - The beginning of our end.

* * *

 

My name is Adrien. _Adrien Agreste_. I'm a man like many others. Well, almost.   
  
This one of a kind story is mine. I share this story with the one who was most dear to me. The most wonderful and coureagous person I knew. She was the one who saved me from the darkest parts of my life. It's **our** story that we had secretly shared. It's a hilarious but sad story at the same time. It's a out of tune story. A broken one. A love story about two forever shattered hearts. It's our perfectly imperfect story. I will never forget the pages we wrote together. Even in my falling and after my last breathe, I will _never_ forget it. I promise bugaboo, I will not. Our story will be engraved in my head like your lovely smile and your dreamy bluebell eyes. It's our story Marinette and I want to write it for you. Maybe I do it for myself too, to bury myself with the sorrowful memories I have of you. Maybe I write it for **us** , to fix all the promises we haven't accomplished. And we will never see the end of this story, unfortunatly. Perfect ending don't exist. I would have liked to believe otherwise.   
  
So I write it for you, for me, for us, _Marinette_. I write it to make our story lasts in time like all the love I had for you.   
  
I loved, I love and I will always love you.  
  
  
  
_Adrien Agreste_  
  
~  
  
Each day was the same for almost 4 years now. Nothing had changed. Time had passed quickly but it was always the miraculous Ladybug and Chat Noir, our two favorite super heros of Paris! Even if they were now adults, their relationship didn't change that much. Chat Noir was the big charismatic dork he always was. He continued to flirt with his Lady and to fill her with a dead amount of cat puns. Ladybug ended up losing count on how many time she rolled her eyes at her partner for his puns. But she was always laughing at his jokes and obviously was here for him in his rough times. They didn't know each other real identity for the moment. They didn't know when this amazing journey will come to an end. Yet, something was very clear between the two young adults: They were more than partners, more than best friends, more than lovers. They were simply soulmates. Nobody could have told them otherwise because it's what they felt in the depth of their hearts when they were looking at each other.  
  
Marinette couldn't dream of a better life than the one she had. Being the superhero of Paris wasn't a easy job, but she had everything she dreamed of. She had an extraordinary secret life that was keeping her busy. She had amazing friends. She had a loving family. She had a partner that truly cared about her. She had a life full of love and unforgettable moments. These memories contained a lot of times spent with Chat Noir to patrol in the city, to fight with Akumas or to simply talk in the night about anything and everything. She couldn't dream of a better life.  
  
Actually, _she could_.  
  
She could have imagined a love life with Adrien Agreste. The one she has been in love with for many years. Regretfully for her, she decided to move on after she was rejected by him when she confessed her love 1 year ago. Time got the better of her feelings. You know, flame of love sometimes die when it's not maintained. Friendship was still there at least and she accepted it. For her partner, Chat noir, she was always saying: " _If Adrien wasn't here, I would have fallen in love with Chat._ " The only thing was their identities needed to stay safe. So she couldn't imagine a relationship with a man she didn't even know the name. 

Adrien and Chat was two important souls for her. **She loved them.** Not in the same way of course, but they were two people she cared a lot about. It was all that mattered for her. She was happy to have them in her life _after all_.  
   
  
On his side, Adrien was still head-over-heels in love with his Lady. Everyday, he was giving his best for her. He was always here when she needed him. What he loved the most was seeing her sweet smile after something dumb he said. He loved when she was calling him "His dork". When she was rolling her eyes at his puns. The way she was running, climbing, fighting with her -FUCKING HOLY ILLEGAL- astonishing body that made him melt inside everytime. The way she was looking at him with her gorgeous bluebell eyes. Her stubborn and coureagous personality. How her hair was floating in the wind when she was thinking. All her galaxy of freckles of her face. He loved, he loved, **he loved**. He loved her a little bit more everyday.   
  
And the only words he had on his tongue when his nose was full of her delicate parfume was: " _Je t'aime."_  
  
Whoever was under the mask, he was loving her with all he had. He was loving her unconditionaly and his feelings was pure. But Ladybug was not answering his flirting and always kept saying he was her best friend. He didn't complain about it because he respected her. Even if he was accepting his place, he felt his heart broke everytime she was rejecting him. The only thing he wanted was to love her like she never was before.   
  
Adrien had a secret he was keeping for himself. Even if he loved Ladybug, he had a little crush on someone else for almost 1 year after. _Marinette_. One of his first friend. All his heart was for his Lady, but shortly after he rejected her for his Lady, Marinette had his heart skip a beat of two. She was kind, smart, sweet, selfless, beautiful... Like Ladybug. He wasn't comparing Marinette to his Lady. He thought he had a type he guessed. Often at night, he was secretly wishing that Marinette was Ladybug. It would have been so much easier for him that way. Unluckily, she wanted to keep their identities secret to protect their cilivian selves. She had a point and he respected that. Althought, he wanted her to change her mind soon cause he was tired to wait. He wanted to know who was the love of his life. He was a man now. He was able to protect her. He wanted to offer her the life she dreamed of and be at her side. She was worth every little fragment of love and happiness in this world. He wanted to build his own loving family with her. He kept hoping that one day she would open her heart to him.   
  
Everything was fine and for the best. _Until the day where their lifes were turned upside down._  
  
  
  
" _C-Chat…"_   processed hardly Ladybug with a surprised but unsure look on her face. She was in shock. Her hands and shoulders was shaking consistently as she was looking at Chat Noir with dread.  
  
**She couldn't believe it.**


	2. A reason to exist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Throwback in the past.  
> Young Marinette.  
> Time between Lady and Chat in the night.

"I'll go as far as you love me _._ "  
**CHAPITRE 2**  - A reason to exist.

* * *

 

 " What is a _soulmate_? " asked Marinette to her mommy.  
  
What an odd question for a 6 years old Sabine thought. Children have sometimes weird life questioning period, so she guessed it was that moment for little Marinette. She took her small daughter and sit on the couch to have a tiny talk about this strange subject.   
  
" It's like a friend but in better. It's your special someone. This person will know everything about you. It's like the other part of your soul in another body. This other person will complete you. Whoever it will be, this particular person will bring the best of you. They will give you strength to be your better self. It's someone who will accept you for who you really are, Marinette, with your qualities and your imperfections. It will be a person that you will care a lot about. Almost more than caring about yourself. Nobody knows when you meet your soulmate. It's destiny and fate. But when you'll meet them, you'll know it's them in your heart. You will feel it inside. Life will do everything to bring both of you together. You'll be like a _magnet_. Even thought you are going in separate roads, you will always find them later or in another life. "  
  
Little Marinette was listening carefully to her mommy. Her big eyes was sparkling with stars and hope as her smile rised up. At this age, it was normal for a little girl to ask these kind of questions. She was maturing and learning. And today was the soulmate talk. There is nothing more exciting than the belief of someone existing somewhere who is perfect for you. She actually heard the word in school and she wanted to know more about the specific subject. She asked her mom because it was clear that she knew everything. Despite the answer of her mother, it wasn't enough.

"Does everyone have a soulmate? " added the little Dupain-Cheng while playing with her hair. She craved to know more.  
  
" Yes! Of course! Everyone does have one somewhere. " answered Sabine with a gentle smile. She was so cute with all of those questions.   
  
Marinette was all ear. Sabine knew that someday Marinette will meet her soulmate too.  
  
" How can we be sure that I'll meet mine? " proceed the little girl with a doubtful look. Sabine laugh and softly patted her child on the head.  
  
" I'm pretty sure you will Marinette! Be patient and one day it will happen. " Marinette gave the most cute smile ever to her mother. She was so happy to know her mother was sure about this information. She was so happy to know that somewhere, her special someone was there waiting like her for that moment. She was excited to know who it was. She was already dreaming to be friend with them. To share happy moments together. She was wondering was her soulmate was looking like. Were them a boy or a girl? Do their eyes was blue like hers? Do they were taller or shorter? And their name? What they liked to do? Which cartoon was their favorite?  
  
She couldn't wait to the day she will meet them. She looked at her mother and conclude the discussion.  
  
" Well at least I hope they love **croissants**... "  
  
  
~  
  
  
Ladybug was sitting on a roof near the Eiffel tower. Her feet were dangling in the air as she was looking at the beautiful and romantic lights of Paris. It was the usual spot of Chat Noir and her when they wanted to spend some time together after a patrol. They loved to lie down on the cold rooftop while looking at the stars close to each other. Sometimes their hands or feet was timidly touching, making it like it was unintended. They both always denied their intentions but nobody developed the courage to say anything by fear to broke the special connection between them. It was consistently like that among Ladybug and Chat Noir. There was an unsaid and interesting tension floating when they were together. It was like they were _magnets_ attracted to each other. Even if Marinette was really sure of her feelings, everytime she had the chance to put her eyes on Chat Noir, a curious feeling fired up in her stomach. When all the lights of the city make his porcelain skin looks so soft, she just wants to touch him and caress his face tenderly like it was the expensive silk in Paris. When he grins after saying a pun, she just wish silently to be the only one to see his authentic smile. When he turns his head towards her. When they are _that_ close. When she can even detail every stripes of green in his eyes. Her breathing stop like the time has froze suddenly. In the midst of the turmoil of her heart, she cry for help because the only thing she wants to do is to pull him close to her. She's definitly not in love with him, of course...  
  
The young woman blushed at these thoughts. Little did she knew, Chat Noir was landing on the roof silently. He put away his staff and walked towards his Lady with the biggest smile ever. He noticed she was daydreaming so it was the perfect time to startle her. He touched her shoulders quickly, keeping a good grip to prevent her to fall.   
  
" Are you dreaming of your favorite cat, _my Lady?_ "  
  
Ladybug jumped off her thinking and looked at her partner.  
  
" You frightened me Chat! You know I hate it. " stated the heroine with a smile. Silly cat, it was genuinely the thought of him who put her in that state.   
  
Chat Noir sat down at her side, his thigh brushing hers. He looked at her softly. Maybe too much. But it was a comfort for her. She smiled back at him, trying to hide her light blush on her cheeks.   
  
" So... " Began Chat while clearing his throat. " Why is Bugaboo in her thoughts today? Do you want to talk about it? "   
  
Of course, Marinette didn't want to talk about it because it was about  **him**. Of course, she didn't want him to know that she was replaying the memories of their bodies close together. Of course, she didn't want him to know what storm was going on in her heart. He didn't need to _know_.   
  
" Don't worry, it's nothing! But thank you for worrying, Chaton. I... I just had a big day that's all. " She lied. However, she meant it. He was always here for her and she couldn't thank him enough for that. He was really caring and selfless.   
  
" Are you sure? Why are you up at this hour then? " He grinned while getting his face closer to her. He loved to play around because her reaction was delightful. She moved back in surprise.  
  
" I... I'm sure! I just wanted some fresh air. " She pouted. She was cute when she was doing this, concluded Chat Noir. He laughed slightly and lied down with his hands under his head.  
  
" I believe you. To be honest, I just wanted to see this expression of yours. It's so cute. " He looked at her lovingly. Her heart melted. She hated him so much when he was doing _THIS_ with his perfect fucking face and his sultry look. She truly hated him for making her heart skip a beat everytime. Bad kitty.   
  
She lied down next to him. But his arm was creating a big gap between them and she wanted to be closer. In this case, she decided that he is going to be her pillow. She rested her head on his chest and closed the space between the two young adults. Chat Noir put his arm around the shoulders of his Lady. He sweared they both could hear his heart beat madly in his chest. Well, he was pretty sure Ladybug could hear it terribly loudly and blushed at the thought of it. Everytime his Lady was that close to him made his body go flabby and his heart loony. She was doing him _things_ that no women or nobody could ever. That's how he knows she's his true love.  
  
He was caressing his back and shoulder tenderly while looking at the night sky. He couldn't be happier right now. Adrien was so blessed. He felt a gentle stroke on his cheek. He looked down and saw Ladybug bluebell eyes on him. She had her hand on his cheek. He wished at this moment she didn't have her suit to feel her skin against his.  
  
" You are gorgeous... " Thought out loud in a whisper Chat Noir while tightening his grip on her back. He wanted her so bad. He wanted _everything_ she was. He could climb every mountain, go through every fire, cross any ocean just to be with her. She was imperfectly perfect. He wanted to protect her. He wanted her to rely on him. He wanted to know more about her. Every little details. He wanted to know them by heart without even thinking. He wanted to wake up next to her and make her breakfast. He wanted to be her kitty. He wanted to be her special someone. He wanted her to feel enough and loved. He wanted to love her unswervingly. She was a reason to exist. She was **his** reason to exist.   
  
She sweetly smiled at his spontaneous words. He was so kind and she could feel his feelings was sincere. Marinette was happy to have him in her life. She wished she could answer his feelings, but... sadly she couldn't. It was too dangerous. And Adrien. And everything. How it could possibly shatter what they have build. She was so affraid yet so confident when she was in his arms like this. She hugged him harder like if her life was in jeopardy. She felt Chat put his other hand underneath her chin. She blushed harder but didn't move away. He pulled her closer to his face and their foreheads was now touching.  
  
She lost her breath in a split second. A lot was going on her mind. What was he doing? What was happening? She could feel his breath on her lips. His eyes in hers. It was mesmerizing. The hurricane was raging again in her heart. The firestorm was unruly. She gripped the collar of her partner in a hurry. It was like a life or death situation. She couldn't think straight at all.   
  
Gently she felt his soft lips embracing hers. She wrapped her leg around his and answered to the delicate kiss. And now they were kissing eagerly like they were in so much need of each other. It was like a call and a necessity they never knew they needed. He lovingly put his hand in her hair to support her head and she was caressing his cheek softly. It was like the time has stopped at this specific moment.    
  
Ladybug came back to earth and realized what she was doing. This was so wrong. Oh no, this was certainly so wrong. She broke the kiss even if she wanted more. She could read the disappointment on Chat Noir face, but she guessed he could understand.   
  
" I... I'm sorry... It wasn't... I mean... " She was so sorry. She didn't want to give him false hopes.   
  
He grinned and kissed her on the forehead while untightening his arms around her. He understood. Of course he did.  
  
" Don't worry my Lady. I understand and I respect your decision. We won't talk about it and forget what happened, okay? "   
  
His words was like a shot in her heart. It was so difficult and painful. She wanted to say no, she wanted him. She wanted **this**. She wanted to feel his lips. She wanted to love him. She wanted to give him what he's worth of. She wanted to shut him up and kiss him again. But it was better this way. It was safer. She stood up and walked away from him. She was so sorry and felt embarrassed.   
  
" I'm so sorry. Thank you for understanding, Chat. " She glanced at his partner. " I'm going home. Good night and see you next patrol. "   
  
She was gone. Adrien looked at the emptyness of the rooftop where she was seconds before.   
  
He fell _again_  in love with her that night.  


	3. If our love if wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akuma's attack.  
> Awkward LadyNoir moments.  
> A mistake.

"I'll go as far as you love me _._ "  
**CHAPITRE 3**  - If our love is wrong.

* * *

 

At this exact moment a voice resonated in her head. She snapped out of her thoughts.  
  
**" LADYBUG, WATCH OUT ! "**  
  
She was fixing Chat pensively while swirling her yo-yo in the air. She forgot they were fighting an Akuma because she had a lot on her mind. Ladybug dodged narrowly the attack thrown at her. Fuck. What was she doing? There was no time to be in her thoughts right now. She could've been really hurt this time. She couldn't take the risk. Chat noir jumped in her direction with a petrified look on his face. It was no secret that he was scared for his Lady.   
  
" A-Are you alright, my Lady? " asked her partner with a slightly worried tone. He was cleary concerned on the weird mental state of the heroine. " You seems to be really off today. Is something _bugg_ ing you? "  
  
  
The young woman ran her hand over her face. She nervously laughed about her actions. Today she really had difficulty to maintain her concentration. After what happened with Chat Noir at the beginning of the week, she couldn't make her brain shut up about it. She was replaying the moment again and again. It was so sureal yet so true. Deeply, it was all she wanted. A lot of time, she found herself dreaming about being in a relationship with Chat. Adrien was so out of reach. It was unrealistic to think he would see her one day. Her presence didn't even bother him at all. She was transparent to him. But Chat. He was there for here. He was just beside her. He was seeing her. She was not transparent to his eyes. Her heart was balancing between the two men. But she thought: " _The choice is easy, Marinette. Why are you such a coward. Stop denying your feelings._ " However, she was so afraid. She wanted to know who was behind the mask. She **truly** wanted. It was too dangerous for both of them, for their civilian self. Maybe their love was _wrong_?  
  
" Y-Yes, I'm alright. Sorry for worrying you Chat. " stated Marinette while trying to focus on the fight. " I'm just easily distracted today. I guess I'm tired. " She lied.  
  
She looked at him with a little smile to reassure him. To be honest, she was distracted by her partner. He didn't need to know this specific fact tho.   
  
The young man didn't seem to believe her.  
  
" Are you sure ? You know you can tell me everything Bugaboo! We are partner. " affirmed Chat with a serious tone in his voice.   
  
" I'm sure! Anyway, we don't have time to talk at the moment. We have an Akuma to catch. " concluded Ladybug while looking at the Akuma in the corner of her eyes. " We have something more important do to. Make a diversion, Chaton. "  
  
Chat Noir noded at the words of his Lady and without further delay, he jumped in front of the Akuma with his staff.   
  
" It's only you and meow, Mr. Chocolatier! " shouted Chat Noir. " Purrr-etty sure you need to recheck your ingredients list cause I don't think there is some kitty cat written on it. " he added when the Akuma blasted some kind of chocolate liquid at him.   
  
" LUCKY CHARM! " called Ladybug in a heartbeat. Some sort of plastic bag with ice cubes appeared in her hands. " What in the world ? Why I need a bag of ice ? " she questioned herself.   
  
" I thought hot chocolate is supposed to be drink hot, my Lady? It's a _freezy_ situation down here! " she heard Chat spouted as she was trying to find a way to use the lucky charm.   
  
Hot chocolate... _Hot_... Of course! She just needed to put both hands of Mr. Chocolatier in the bag of ice and he couldn't use his power anymore. Even thought Chat was a master of puns, she got used to it after a moment. The first year, it was really annoying. She couldn't deny that. But now it was a habit between the two. She wasn't even reacting anymore. When Chat Noir wasn't punning or flirting with her, something was always off and she felt the day wasn't complete in some way. She even took pleasure to his jokes and answered sometimes to his flirt. He wasn't the best smooth talker, but she felt for his special way to tell his Lady that he was in love with her.   
  
While Ladybug was planning the best way to use the lucky charm, Chat Noir was jumping around with the Akuma to distract him. He needed to buy some time for his partner. Mr. Chocolatier was really fast and even if the superhero was too, he wanted to avoid a chocolate blast from the Akuma and got stuck in a fence.   
  
" _Fuck_ , seriously! " he cursed while trying to move away from the fence. But one of his zipper got caught into it. He pulled harder and broke the zipper. His life worthed more than his costume after all. He stood up fastly when he saw the Akuma flying toward him with and angry expression. A thing fell off of the open pocket and went directly on the ground near the building. Chat Noir didn't realize the situation. Ladybug witnessed the unknown object falling in the street. She thought it was something important cause it was belonging to her partner. She decided to go take it before it was too late.   
  
It seemed to be a kind of charm or bracelet. She froze instantly when she took it.  
  
It was the bracelet _she_ offered to Adrien years ago when she was a teen. And it fell from the pocket of Chat. **Chat Noir**. Her partner. Her bestfriend.   
  
He wasn't a thief and clearly, Adrien didn't give it to him.   
  
It only meant a thing:  
  
Chat Noir was in fact and no one else, _Adrien Agreste_ himself.   
  
She wanted to run away. She wanted to lock herself in her house and never exit it ever again. She wanted to cry and laugh at he same time how stupid she was. Of course. OF COURSE. Of all people, he needed to be Adrien, the guy she had a huge crush on for years. Of all people on this earth, she fell in love with the same person TWICE. This was completly absurd and totally insane.   
  
Everything was already so complicated. Now things just got so much worse.   
  
Adrien _was_ Chat Noir.   
  
  
~~~  
  
  
" Bye bye petit papillon! "  
  
The Akuma was defeated and everything was back to normal again. Well, almost everything. Chat Noir approached her partner with his signature smirk. He wanted to congratulate her for their good team work again. She saw him in the corner of her eyes and froze on place. She couldn't look at him. What will she say? How can she handle this? She didn't know. Everything was so blurry in her head. Chat noticed her weird behavior.   
  
" Are you hurt, my Lady? " he said softly while looking lovingly at her. She haven't the strength to answer. She was a coward. A real coward.  
  
" N-no. " she breathed in a whisper. " I'm fine Chat. "   
  
She had the bracelet in her hand. She needed to give him back. But if she did, he would know she was Marinette right away because of her reaction. And he would be surely disappointed to know it's her. He didn't like her. He didn't see Marinette. Althought he loved Ladybug, she was nothing compared to her. She was just _Marinette_ , a normal girl in a normal life.   
  
He walked slowly toward her to confort his Lady. Something was clearly wrong because he knew Ladybug better than anybody else.   
  
" Bugaboo... "   
  
She stepped back and looked at him horrified.   
  
" I-I... I'm so sorry... I can't do this... " she cried. " I need some time, **please**. " Her words was so heavy and it hit Adrien in the chest like a rocket. She was so desperate to run away from him and he didn't know why. Why now, after what happened between them. Was she regreting their their kiss? Was she ashamed of him? A lot was going throught the mind of Adrien. He wanted her to talk to him about what was going on. He wanted to know.   
  
She stepped back again and turned her back from him.   
  
" Ladybug, I- " began Chat Noir in panic.  
  
" Chat " she conceded softly. " Just remember that... I-I love you, Chaton. "   
  
She flew away. _Again_.   
  
He didn't sleep that night. Marinette either. 

**Author's Note:**

> See you in the next chapter !  
> All construtive comments are accepted.


End file.
